That too, was love

Aren't we all in this hope that maybe someone out there is waiting for us in the end?

Gazing into thin air I remembered the book 'EatPrayLove' beautifully written by Elizabeth Gilbert and there were two lines that got to me.

First being,

"Attraversiamo"

(Let us cross over)

The plain simple meaning of this word is to cross over but deeply thought it's crossing over pain that binds us, crossing over anxiety that threatens us, crossing over apprehensions that make their appearance once in a while, crossing over materialistic phases that life envelopes us in an adventurous way.

Second being,

"When you miss someone, give out all your love and light and then drop it"

Broken relationships, broken friendships, broken hearts, these feelings make us vulnerable so easily.

Sometimes reconciliation seems best but sometimes it's just about fine to ponder over the missed one. Recollect happiness and sadness, at that moment, in that span of time where you are most vulnerable, give out all your love and light to that person and drop it (surrender). Snap out of it and come back to reality. Keeping these emotions secluded will fail you, confront them instead. Don't allow them to waver around so that they can come back to haunt you later.

She didn't know what love was.

She was ignorant of the fact that people termed love as security and happiness.

She went out there and loved him.

Loved him with all her conscious being knowing that maybe the future ahead for them seemed to fade.

She cried, the tears rolled down her eyes periodically, for him, that too , was love.

Mixed memories invaded her peaceful mind, that too, was love.

She found herself smiling while thinking of him because that too, was love.

She had a lot to cross over : formalities, responsibilities, phases. However, with him nowhere in sight.

She realized that love is a feeling than possession as society claimed it to be.

She somehow didn't need him by her side because memories of him were filled to the brim and imprinted in her mind.

No one, not even God could vanish reminiscence.

He came, he loved, he left. 

She knew that some just came to leave.

When missing him, she gave out all her love and light to him whilst crossing over life.

Because that too, was love.

Her Silent Words

< This includes a short story of a girl who has gone through sexual abuse at a very young age. Just a small fiction created by me. The sad part being that any kind of child sexual abuse isn't considered to be a crime in India and at the cost of this many young girls are subject to such treatment. Finally an appeal has been made to the Supreme Court of India regarding the same and let us hope for the best. My inspiration to write this was the new TV show named Satyamev Jayate (hosted by Aamir Khan) that led me to compose this >

My Story

Tender and fragile, she.
She loved the smell of freshly baked cookies and adored the sight of colorful balloons.

Her favorite hobby included sauntering in the garden and running around in her favorite clothing dressed in pink from head to toe.

Little did she know that she was in for a surprise, a surprise that somehow would shock her, in a literal way.

Sitting on the couch with her new pastel colors, she started to gleam.
He entered the hallway as a jolly old fellow who was most respected by her family.
His tall figure enchanted her, a thrill went through her body at seeing him for the first time.

He reached out for her hand which seemed to be in the most loving way and she froze.
No, that touch wasn't soothing or friendly. That touch possessed an overwhelming impish feeling to it.

Unfortunately, every opportunity was seized by him, for the sick-minded man didn't think of this to be wrong at all. During the process,
She became emotionless > How couldn't she cry her heart out when all she wished was someone to pay heed to those tears?

She became numb > How couldn't she move an inch when all she wanted was escapism?

She became unbearably quiet > How couldn't she scream when all she wanted to do was shout till her voice faded so at least somebody noticed that this wasn't her normal behavior?

These feelings left her bemused.

Over time , she mastered the art of stoicism ( feeling of pain without emoting it)
The doings by him was finally put to a halt and when it happened she cursed herself as to why wasn't she defiant earlier?
The physical pain ended, the mentally scarred pain remained.

Everytime she closed her eyes , all she saw was a dark paradise.
The past haunts her occasionally and all she keeps asking is ' Did I deserve this?'
She's left answerless, her emotions are unfelt and all her teary eyes plead is for a happy childhood.
Which amusingly seems like a myth to her because such filthy men are still left loose in this world.

A Letter From Daughter To Mother

Dear Mother,

Do you remember the time when I was small  and I told you I wanted to be a dance choreographer just because I learned some new moves? Back then I didn't even know to pronounce 'choreography' but then you smiled and told me that I would be the best choreographer in the whole world. However unrealistic that may sound to others that is when I started dreaming, that is when there would be a twinkle in my eye for whenever you praised me.

Do you remember the time when I said I wanted to be a RJ just because I thought I sounded nice? You laughed in the car and told "Okay suni, do a demo for me" I, in my confident state started to jabber some lines and you told me that I did pretty well.

Every year I would come up with new career plans, new inspiration, new hobby, new desire but you never ever made me sound stupid even though the ideas were practically beyond stupid. Maybe I never spoke my heart out but I didn't find the need to because sooner or later you always guessed something was awfully wrong with me. Before I could tell you I felt sick , I was already cured.You made my favorite food for lunch even though you were running late for work because you knew the fussy me. I remember crying, bitterly over my marks but you told me that the marks weren't important and the effort that I put in was. You bought me a new dress for my wardrobe just because I went berserk over it even though you knew I had hundreds of other dresses lying in.

Sometimes I didn't understand you when I wasn't allowed for late nights, I didn't understand you when I was  refrained from doing something, I didn't understand you when you told me to spend wisely. I still don't, but it doesn't matter.

Life isn't always happy and pretty but through the downs of life you always looked pretty with your radiant smile.You walked on the floor in your happy stride managing work and house but you still made us all laugh. There were moments when I cried just because I couldn't stand lying to you and you hugged me and appreciated my honesty instead of getting mad at me.You still gave me an extra hundred bucks knowing that I really wasn't even out of cash. You gave me great pep talks just to make sure I didn't go astray. I've heard your laughs and looked up smiling at you.

We've had our share of gossip talks, small cries, cranky moments and endless laughter and through it all I've learnt things and I shall still keep learning my way out of life. I still don't know why things get tough and why we are put in situations that sometimes cause us pain but I do know something.I know how to stand strong and get through them to face the light and I thank you mother for these values because you've demonstrated this so beautifully. I dont know how I will go through the confusion in my head but all I know is that I am laughing with you right now and it's perfect.You made me grow up in a pretty house and I've had the best days with you.



Isn't there so much strength involved in what you do that goes unnoticed?
I know that it isn't humanly possible for me to write down all my feelings because there are tons of things that have gone unsaid here.
However, I take this chance and  thank you!
Right here and right now.
You're the prettiest lady in the whole wide world.
I love you.
Happy mothers day.

From,
Your Daughter.

Thanks To Him

She was a naive little girl waiting to carve out a pretty little niche in this world.
But then something happened to her, which practically happens to each one of us and that is Life.

She was head over heels for him.
She gave out her little heart but Alas!
She didn't realize that he would use that little heart as a mere prop.

In time she realized that she had to get her heart broken in order to strengthen herself to put those broken pieces back in place.

The man made her cry, terribly and consistently.
She realized she didn't deserve those tears instead deserved someone who would wipe off those tears gently.

She dealt with her bad days alone.
She realized she needed someone who would make her laugh till her stomach hurts on days like these.

There were nights where she needed soothing words and small talks.
Being shunned away by him finally made her realize that she deserved so much more.

She realized that being self-centered was not a bad thing at all.
More so, people like him wouldn't dare meddle with her heart.

Well, she still remains naive.
She isn't afraid to go out there and love again.
She isn't flummoxed by her inhibitions.
She thanks him for the broken heart because now she knows exactly what she doesn't want from life.


She loves and it hurts all over again.
She's fearless and it finally dawned upon her that if life isn't a prick then it isn't worth living at all.


Thanks to him,
The broken heart.

Book Review : Quotes That Inspired Me

 Recently , I had this book borrowed from a friend, the reason I borrowed was because currently I had no other book to read and since I'm a novel junkie I just had to keep myself occupied in another world with pages of glorious writings. The book given to me was Cecelia's Ahern's : A Place Called Here.

Honestly this has been one of my least favorite read but still they are some lines that caught my eye. Cecelia Ahern is known for magical writing with simple language so these are the quotes that really made me think twice:

"The master of lying was caught in a web of lies that he had weaved for himself"         
       --  We've heard of this, haven't we?
 Sometimes the complication, irritation, complaints and misery traps us but you know what? We are more than 100 percent responsible for it. The point being we've let it fall on us and affect us so easily.
No one can prevent the inevitable but handling the situation is what matters. Sometimes , the diplomacy we create is so much more bigger than we think it is and we end up  being the victim in the silly game that we've created for ourself.




 "Belonging is important even if it meant joining a hopeless path"
      -- Well that happens to each one of us, we sometime always slip away in the wrong path just to belong. Joining a wrong path is fine but what is more important is that through the wrong path we need to find ourselves being swept to the right one. The world is filled with so many roads , and make sure the road you choose is the one where people accept you for who you are and not what they want you to become.




"It isn't wise to expend good energy while chasing bad thoughts"
    --  So many times when the good happens to us we doubt ourselves and ask , ' Do I really deserve this?'
and that is it. Negativity flows in polluting every positive cell in our brain diminishing the happiness. If its a good day embrace it without questions, if its a bad one, deal with it without questions. That's how simple it is.



 I know this hasn't been one of the best books I've read but if you like magical writing taking you to places like wonderland then go ahead and read it! As they say, every book is worth reading.


Love,
ModishAndMuse. 

Dissipation

< I know this is a fashion blog but there isn't any harm in pouring out some feelings, is it? Splitting headache, never-ending cold and crankiness made me write this. A little thought that occurred and I continued writing about it. Read on and tell me how you feel about it >

Dissipation : The meaning of this word is the need to disappear with reference to feelings





Sometime, someplace and somehow we all want to dissipate. We all  have come across this so called feeling of dissipation. We might have encountered this many a times but this feeling was never described to you and I and solely because its indescribable.

So tell me, how can one describe loneliness? Where no one can be your ally?
Or a sensation a baby feels when the mother moves out of the room and the baby's heart throbs thinking he/she is left all alone?
How would a broken heart define the pain, grieve and despice felt?
How would a teenager describe the feelings of the on-going politics at high school?
How would a young boy really pour out his feelings to his confidant confidently when he is a victim of being bullied?
How would a baby in the womb thank the mother for haven eaten her favorite fruit or chocolate?
Could a woman going through therapy actually define the atrocities inflicted on her by her husband?
A successful man who had started from scratch and reached heights would dictate his success story without not leaving anything out?
Can a lover particularly elaborate the immense love for this wife?
A father could possibly depict his love by providing every single want of his child but could he say those emotions out loud?






The answer is Maybe and Maybe not.
Some can scream out loud and put across each and every single thing felt : the fiery passion, the blind love, the gutted feeling etc. While some choose to remain silent and bask in these deep emotions.Either way, a power is felt. A power so strong which behaves like a head start , keeps us moving , breaks us down and brings these broken pieces back together. The power is the ' feeling'.
We may come across so many feelings but it is actually up to us to decide which feelings are worth to be 'felt'. The strongest feeling felt would be dissipation. Dissipation because when felt ,a rage combined with fear travels through the brain and in no time reaches the heart. Escapsism indeed.
Isn't escapism something we all wish for? If not you, at least I do.
In the wee hours of night when the mind ticks to thinking all I want to do is escape.
Escape not from a love-filled family but the urge to escape from bitter-sweet reality.
Reality hits us, pricks us and tricks us.
Being a harsh turth, dissipation is an urge , where at some point we all want to set free or break through. It occurs when the mind and soul contradict each other and you're mindlessly left alone to make decisions that seem right and wrong to you. It refuses to be described, this feeling.
When felt it takes over the soul so quickly and makes everything look like its a flaw. This feeling is deep buried and everyone thinks that keeping it beneath a sheet of 'known feelings' is the safest way to lead a normal life.
Well is it so? Just because one thinks one can't change fate or escape , we give into nothingness? A nothingness filled of stress and worry?
Doomed accpetance is wronged and always will be.



 



There comes a point of satiety and that point leads us feeling dissipated. A feeling of running away from circumstances, a feeling of taking our own lives if that is the only option left to set us free, a feeling so strong that leaves our heart shallow. Never ever allow dissipation to occur onto onself.
How does one do that?
By doing things they love.
Right kind of dissipation relates to absorbing ourselves into doing things we love.
Small or big, huge or large , whatever it maybe never forget to do things you love.
Bursting bubbles, watching the sunset, squashing your stress in a game of squash, driving away out of town for quietness, lying in bed for two minutes to embrace silence, writing away to your heart's content , spilling your imagination on a piece of art etc.Whatever it is, don't ever forget the things you love because at the end of it , it is the web you weave for yourself and make sure that its comfortable and completely upto your liking.

 SHORT STORY > DISSIPATION
A cluttered desk with spilled coffee, undone paper work and heaps of files.
Work had to be done, life had to be made, deadlines had to be met and bills had to be paid.
Rushing home, she flung her clothes and put on her ballet dress.
That dress made her feel enchanted and awed.
Entering the huge dance hall she realized that this was the kind of dissipation she loved.
Even with the incomplete work left behind, she felt complete. .